I Want to Be a Copywriter

As you know, I’m a nerd. But I’m the adorable, lovable kind, so it’s okay to admit it.

Over the past year, I’ve been collecting the new line of Transformers Cyberverse toys. (To add some legitimacy to this hobby, the vehicles the robots turn into are actual, existing real-life vehicles, so I can say it’s like collecting model cars. That transform into awesome kick-ass killing machines! YEAH!)

For Christmas, TJ got me Autobot Guzzle, who transforms into an M1 Abrams tank. Guzzle has this description on the back of his packaging:

I’m not quite sure what this description is supposed to convey. Clearly, Guzzle is a fat, wasteful robot whose speed, endurance, and intelligence are meh at best. Is this supposed to be commentary on the majority of Americans who have a little jelly in their belly, a little junk in their trunk? And why is the idea of finding alternative power sources so hideous that he’s “forced” to do it, instead of, say, happily volunteering to do it? And finally, what kind of warning is this to Decepticons, exactly? Watch out, Megatron! When Guzzle’s hungry, he’ll get cranky and run you over… until he runs out of gas, which is soon since he’s fat and lazy and eats more than anyone else.

This so has pro-oil propaganda written all over it.

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